Who watches over me?

who watches over me tonight

and tends to darkness of my soul?

where are the hands I used to find

and eyes that shine bright as I fall

like blindness words have no remorse

like dead leafes have no weight

they land on deaf ears as I crawl

to where you no longer wait

as always I'm late and running

my breath is frozen, caught by fear

i feel that i'm safe, it's trying

to see my heart so near my fate

to the end of my hard work, I perish 

towards stillness and calm, and neglect 

Illusion of your brightness and feelings

And dreams as forever I slept

In the dream where I am constantly falling 

And you catch my hands with your kiss

In the end when I'm hopelessly dying

By your side, 

By your pain,

Endless bliss.

Of fairness and courage

A man is judged.

He has the eyes of autumn leafs

And sadness left on iris' eves,

A silly, comic wind across his face

And limbs half broken down, laced

With drops of unforgiving rain.

A man is given pain.

A grayscale forest runs across his chin.

His heart and actions sing with spring!

His hands are gentle clouds, over all.

He sees deep into the judges' soul!

A man is given grace.

Despite the rain, the spring remains!

Despite the sadness, smile speaks

To creases and crevices of man' cheeks!

In spite of pain, his heart is true!

This man is you.

I gave you judgement 

Rendered pain,

And yet you still remain -

A guiding light within my soul!

Despite us all!

Inspiration

Pinpricks and needles.

Laser pointer remains of lightning.

The music blasts my mind to silence!

Acrid and gregarious remains

Of state of being I won't gain.

Another brought the inspiration 

Through wielding of creation

That I could not begin to see,

And so into these depth I flee!

Enveloped by this lucid dream,

A fake, a phantom, vapor, steam!

Externally inspired, oh so entitled,

Brittle, insecure, weak and frightened,

I write these words in flogging silence! 

In the embrace of someone else's brightness 

I keep on writing, keep on fighting.

Cliches, emotions, senseless rhyming,

Pinpricks and needless,

Laser pointer remains of lightning 

I hope to pass them on

So someone keeps on writing.

Machines and I

A constant edge of tears

That cuts through acid smears

Of blocked emotions, perished dreams.

My neural network shakes and screams!

The out of bounds conditions - love!

The unexplained exception from above.

Debugging life's last line of code,

A multi-step approach, an ode

To an existence predefined.

Like macro written in exhausting rhymes,

Like I have nothing left to learn,

I have exhausted my parole!

The FOR loop ends,

Instructions stop,

And nanoseconds drop

In empty void of intents. 

More Lost

I crave attention

Because I am a coward

Constant tension

Rises in the body, stalwart 

And then I fall backwards 

Into the empty void

It is devoid

Of emotions

As it rides the sun rays

The autumn leaves

The spaces in between 

The ugly fates

The rants

My death

Suppresses

A Caress

A friend,

The end!

Disguise

I close my eyes

To witness 

Deep inside my mind 

A dark disguise,

To which I bind

In noiseless stillness

My soul and heart.

No rationale, and no forgiveness 

Is given, or considered 

On my behalf!

The sadness laughs

While mind is riddled

With the masks I wear -

The legendary stuff

Of my existence.

Behind the dark disguise,

I don over a crooked face,

No longer can I witness,

As the darkness fades,

Through tired, open eyes

Your lies.

Emotional nausea

Pause, break, stall

I want none of it

I despise it all

I want to rage

And fight, fuck this world

Emotional overdrive

Always hungry, bold

I take you on with glee

My mental fists are bloody,

And my mind is free

Frozen inside my body

Fast forward, run

Through the neglect, past hate

Push up close, barrel, gun

No way I can be late

Don’t put me on pause

Don’t kill me with prose

I sing, I burn, I die

While you stand there and lie.

Life’s intents

Time spent awake

Life wasted being sober bright 

The end comes anyways

Be it the day or empty night

Be it the laughter, or stark tears

In one exhausting moment

Breath is done, your heartbeat disappears 

The glimpses of atonement 

Never shine, they aren’t real

In spite of promises of gates of light

The darkness meets you as you kneel

You aren’t a savior, white knight

You simply spent your life awake

You wasted precious time

And in this moment, final break

Just stand apart, be yours, not mine!

Self reflection

You feel justified 

Once, or twice

You might rhyme

Or stay right 

Feel the might 

The nature taking hold

So powerful, so bold

You may love to feel

From that feeling you reel

Rhyme, once, twice, right

Experience the sun so bright

Live the life so great

I can watch and relate

I can breathe 

I can

Stand 

None of this!

A handful of thoughts

A little bit of sunshine

A scoop of rain

My eyes are wondering 

Amidst the sweetness of the pain

The fall of colors

It is upon us

But love won’t fade away

The hurt will not abate

And to the wind I sway

I feel the sun and fate

The morning of my life

The dusk of feeling 

For heights above the sun I strive

From your embrace I’m reeling

A little bit of mundane

A scoop of noise

A cacophony of desire

Splays edges of my voice

I note and pause, lambasted -

We aren’t strong enough to master

This world’s addiction to be plain

Of gray emotions, constant stain

It’s pull in mud of listless lips

Where only our heart speaks

And pushes light, and opens doors

Despite, because, and always more!

Dull spark

A blissful kiss of pride

When pain I touch inside

The broken heart of yours,

And wrap myself so tight

In comfort of its woes.

Your pain I wear as proud badge - 

A foreign honor, a dull edge

Of nothingness. Not having felt!

Eternity of endless hurt, 

That equalizes, numbs it all!

Through you I sense the depth 

The flow of feelings, their intents.

I can no longer sense myself

I hope through you all ends.

I want for you to end

The spark of my intent.

I cannot feel, I only rage

In struggle,

On the last, eternal page.

This fucking stage,

An empty age.

I fill myself with you,

So I can feel, I do

Feel for a brief, dull spark.

And in reflection, oh so stark,

World turns away and leaves all black.

Today, I am fucked...

A song of hope

She holds on to his heart

While roses melt away.

She prays alone and in the dark

Below the monster sky and rain.

The salty streaks of tears will dry.

The empty eyes will fill with sun.

Her heart will beat.

She’ll shine.

With endless void still inside

With pain that stays, 

Where hope is gone,

She holds on to his voice

While music fades to death.

She’s left with acrid stale prose,

Of ashes empty wealth.

She dares to rise and hold hands high!

She swears at the moon and stars!

Her back is straight, her lips don’t lie!

When everyone will see these scars

She’ll laugh, and naked she will run

Into the fire of the rising sun!